Jane Vargas, Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, writes that "we don't choose our sexuality; it chooses us." With this openness in attitude toward the infinite variations of (consensual) sexual expression, we at URNotAlone invited this Sex Doc to dispense a bit of womanly advice in an open and lively dialogue with our members. Every couple of weeks, you'll see a new Q&A or provocative rumination on the passions and longings of our CD/TV/TS Community, along with Jane's response, informed by her knowledge, experience, and womanly wiles. To "Ask Jane," you can leave a comment on any of her Q&A's or Articles. You can also e-mail her at jane@jane.tv on any sexually related topic of interest and concern to Our Community with respect to Relationships, Secrets, Family, Social Dilemmas, Identity and Self-Concept, Tips on Makeup and Girly Behavior, and anything else related that interests you. (Please note that this forum is not a substitute for serious therapy but rather a place to receive an entertaining, informed response from a woman who celebrates all manner of creative sexuality.)
Jane Vargas Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, writes "Dear Jane: Advice for Boys Who Need It Bad," for Leg Show magazine. She's been featured on HBO Real Sex, interviewed in National Magazines, has presented research on Lingerie Fetishism to a Professional Society of Sexologists, and is owner of a Xtraordinary Talk!, a business that creates and sells video and audio Fantasy Material for Panty and Lingerie Lovers, Crossdressers, and all men who are perhaps "strong by day but who need a strong woman at night". Jane is married, has two daughters, and lives in San Francisco.
We're very Excited to have Jane partner with us with her "Ask Jane" Column! Don't be shy, leave comments or questions for Jane and don't forget to feel free to contact her via her eMail at jane@jane.tv and make sure to pay her a visit at her site, Xtraordinary Talk!
Closets
Dear Darlings,
Closets: secret places where we can safely celebrate who we are.
Closets: prisons that keep us trapped, isolated, and lonely.
Are you in one? Or out? Or are you in and want to come out? Or are you out and wish you'd never cracked the door?
No easy answers …
I receive a lot of e-mail around "To tell or not to tell - that is the question."
Occasionally I receive tales of great liberation - and a far better sex life and deeper bond - after having finally admitted you l... [more]
URNA Community:
Greetings. I have been remiss in writing my Ask Jane column for the site and for this I apologize. I talk about transition in the letter below; I've been through a transition of another sort during the past year: a heart-breaking divorce, purchase of property of my own, falling in love anew, and a move to Barbados. Like many of your transitions, mine has been jam-packed with emotion, drama, great sadness, and renewed happiness. Please accept my apologies and my gratitude for the many notes and invitations to become Friends that you've sent me. xx Jane
... [more]
Deciding Not To Cross-Dress
Hi Jane,
I desperately need your help. For over 20 years I have been a closet TV. In all that time I have not needed to share this. However, I suffer tremendous guilt. I just feel it's wrong. So last year I made the decision to stop dressing. I threw away all my clothes.
However, a couple of weeks ago I couldn't resist the urge to dress. But more worrying for me is that I cannot stop thinking about getting a guy to fuck me. I have even tried to make contact. So far nothing has happened. Even although I have ve... [more]
Awash in Dopamine
Dear Jane,
Do you believe that cross-dressing can be addictive? I can't stop. I've quit dozens of times but when I do I'm always thinking about it and inevitably go back to doing it. What makes it so hard to quit?
Cravings that Never Stop
Dear Cravings,
Does a compulsion to engage in an activity make that activity an addiction? According to most dictionaries, yes. As defined by the American Heritage Science Dictionary, an addiction is: "1) A physical or psychological need for a habit-forming subs... [more]
Ask Jane, Column 18 (Nov 5, 2007)Craving T-Girls
Dear Jane,
It's so great to see an advice area. I recently joined urnotalone, and would love to get your advice. I am a part time cross dresser, married. She found out, and after some long talks, decided to stay together. She has accepted this side, ... [more]
Ask Jane, Column 17 (Oct 3, 2007)Regrets
Dear Jane,
I'm a glaring example of why it may be better not to tell your wife. Two weeks ago I went to another city to be with my friends from URNA for their monthly gathering. Sunday afternoon when I got home I thought my excuse was going to fall apart so rather tha... [more]
Ask Jane, Column 16 (Jul 20, 2007)I thank all of you who were so kind to respond to my query about crossdressers' wives' fears. I am still in the midst of research on this topic, so don't hesitate to contact me if you have something to add. In the meantime, here's a new column:
Her 4-Year-Old Son Prefers Dresses
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Ask Jane, A Request from Jane (Jul 15, 2007)A Notice to All CDs: Would You Help Me, Please?
Greetings and happy summer! I write you from beautiful Barbados ... a long way from this Colorado girl's roots.
I would like to ask a favor of you.
Would you be willing to share your experiences with me... [more]